Different league
fent folders, Real Manhattan
Rohit and Teddy are the two teams over 1500-ish points. The table prefers Rohit, the raw scoring prefers Teddy, and everyone else is trying to make a case from below.
Irvine Premier League · 25/26
Sleepless in Seattle stays awake.
State of play
The standings are doing PR. The points are leaking.
First place is real. We are saying this slowly for the people still loading the group chat. RohitThe waiver hawkfent folders#172 TBL · 1504 PFL5WWWWL is second in points, second by all-play, first in the table, three witnesses, same testimony. Sleepless in Seattle has earned this. The Staff has filed it in writing and the regime of Yang has acknowledged receipt.
Below him is where the season turns into legal discovery. TeddyThe commissioner’s complaintReal Manhattan#363 TBL · 1515 PFL5WWWLW has the most points and a third-place ribbon nobody wants on the fridge. JonathanThe schedule victimSon Doku#949 TBL · 1412 PFL5LWLLW has scored like a top-four team and sits ninth. LeylandThe untouched draft roomLeyverpool#461 TBL · 1329 PFL5WWLWL has accepted exactly zero waiver moves and is, somehow, fourth, the Staff finds this personally insulting and would like the record to reflect it.
Three neighborhoods, one league, zero peace.
The points-versus-table plot looks polite, but the clusters are not subtle. Rohit and Teddy are uptown. Eight teams are stuck arguing in the middle. Hookah and Shyam are in the basement having a separate conversation lower down.
Real contenders
wadeland, Chunky jeet FC, Son Doku
Arush has the table position. Ashaank and Jonathan have the points profile. None of these teams should be comfortable playing each other.
The crowded middle
Leyverpool, Big Micha, MBOOMO, Yanited, Old Lady, A
This is the messy part of the league. Some have luck, some have names, some have a record week, and all of them have enough flaws for the staff to keep writing.
Separate investigation
Hookah Doncic, Shyam’s Your Daddy
Hookah has tried more things. Shyam has tried fewer things. The points suggest both clubs have earned their own paragraph away from polite society.
Awards night
No rings. No banner. Just exhibits A through K.
Some of these confirm what the group chat already knew. Some are worse than that. Documents have been reviewed. Coffee has been ordered. Arguments are loaded and ready for delivery.
Unluckiest Team
Son Doku
Jonathan finished fourth in points and third by all-play expectation while sitting ninth in the real table. The GW31 50-52 loss to Real Manhattan is the season in one sad screenshot.
-12.54 schedule luck
Best Pickup
Gibbs-White to Chunky jeet FC
GW
Picked up in GW9, then produced 152 post-pickup points. Real Manhattan dropping him earlier is the league’s Zapruder film.
+126 net after pickup
Greatest Individual Week
J.Timber, Leyverpool
JT
A 24-point GW2 defender eruption. Every fantasy league needs one defender week that makes the scoring rules look fake.
24 points
Greatest Team Week
Big Micha
Hugh’s GW33 89-point record is impressive, historic, and suspiciously double-fixture flavored. A banner may be raised, but possibly in pencil.
89 points
Best Waiver Snipe
Old Lady for Donnarumma
D
Nic beat Real Manhattan, fent folders, and Big Micha to Donnarumma in GW4. Three managers walked up to the waiver desk and Nic walked out with the goalkeeper.
120 post-claim points
The Hot Potato
Woltemade, Nmecha, Osula
W
Each appeared on four different IPL rosters. At some point these players stopped being assets and became shared custody arrangements.
4 teams each
Power rankings, now inadmissible in court.
Weighted on table position, scoring, all-play expectation, schedule luck, roster churn, and the gut answer to: who would you least want to draw this week. Group-chat takes admitted only with footnotes attached.
🏆 Champion (provisional)
1
-0-
fent folders
The favorite until proven otherwise
Rohit has the cleanest case in the league. He scores like a contender, manages like someone who actually checks the app, and has not given the staff enough bad losses to build a real opposition file.
The number
#2 points for, #2 expected rank, 44 accepted transactions.
Open dossier
🏆 Picks the charity. Picks first.
2
↑1
Real Manhattan
The points leader with a grievance
Real Manhattan is first in points and first by all-play, which means Teddy’s usual commissioner complaints finally have some statistical backing. The problem is that the table only pays out wins.
The number
1515 points for, -4.38 schedule luck, 52 unique rostered players.
Open dossier
Collects waffles. Rides. Meals. Wishes.
3
↑6
Son Doku
The season’s unluckiest good team
Jonathan has a much better team than the table says. GW31 tells the story cleanly: 50 points, second-best score of the week, and still a loss because Real Manhattan happened to have 52.
The number
#4 points for, #3 expected rank, -12.54 schedule luck.
Open dossier
Collects waffles. Rides. Meals. Wishes.
4
↓2
wadeland
The low-drama contender
Wadeland has spent most of the season refusing to become content. Arush has not needed many moves; the core has simply been good enough for long enough.
The number
64 table points with only 8 accepted transactions.
Open dossier
Collects waffles. Rides. Meals. Wishes.
5
↑1
Chunky jeet FC
The roster that got interesting late
If Gibbs-White is the headline, the larger point is that Chunky jeet FC has quietly become one of the league’s best scoring teams. Ashaank may have found the right shape a little late, but he found it.
The number
#3 points for; Gibbs-White posted 152 points after pickup.
Open dossier
6
↓2
Leyverpool
The no-move experiment
Leyland did nothing. This is not exaggeration. The transaction ledger is empty, the original roster is still recognizable, and somehow Leyverpool remains near the Champions League places.
The number
0 accepted transactions, 15 unique rostered players, +8.54 schedule luck.
Open dossier
7
↑2
Big Micha
The 89-point question
Big Micha owns the best week of the season. It was huge, ridiculous, and yes, inflated by double fixtures, but the points still counted and Hugh will make sure everyone remembers that.
The number
GW33: 89 points, the best team week of the season.
Open dossier
8
↑3
MBOOMO
The roster that looks better on paper
MBOOMO has names that sound like they should be higher than eleventh. Bruno Fernandes, Wirtz, Woltemade, Thiaw. The weekly output has not always matched the poster, but the Hookah trade has.
The number
MBOOMO trade package +33 rest-of-season points over Hookah’s package.
Open dossier
9
↑3
Yanited
The loudest middle class team
Akash remains difficult to evaluate. Yanited is twelfth in the table and eighth in points, but somehow every win feels like a statement and every loss feels like material.
The number
1328 points for, 28 accepted transactions, 38 unique rostered players.
Open dossier
10
↓5
Old Lady
The schedule-friendly spoiler
Old Lady has not always been pretty, but Nic has stolen enough important weeks to stay relevant. Reece James accounting for 60 percent of a team score in GW8 remains one of the stranger box scores of the year.
The number
+6.31 schedule luck; James had 18 of 30 points in GW8.
Open dossier
Relegation
11
↓3
A
The quiet wildcard
Ahmed remains difficult to write about because he gives us very little and occasionally wins anyway. Rice and Virgil have been enough to keep A from becoming a full afterthought.
The number
50 table points despite ranking 12th in points for.
Open dossier
Books the trip. Not OC.
Relegation
12
↑1
Hookah Doncic
The trade did not fix enough
Hookah made the first trade and did become more interesting. Unfortunately, interesting and good are different categories, and the table has been very clear about that.
The number
26 accepted transactions, 40 unique players, 37 table points.
Open dossier
Busking duty. $20.
Relegation
13
↓1
Shyam’s Your Daddy
The team we are still waiting on
Shyam has not made many moves, has not scored many points, and has still found a few annoying wins. The staff remains open to changing this ranking if the owner starts acting like there is a ranking to change.
The number
2 accepted transactions, 1090 points for, 28 table points.
Open dossier
Open mic. No filming.
What if the schedule was random?
Same scores. Different opponents. Re-rolls every gameweek's pairings and recomputes the table. Run it once, run it twenty times. Son Doku's grievance is not in your head.
| Rank | Team | Manager | Pts | PF | W-D-L |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | fent folders | Rohit | 72 | 1504 | 24-0-11 |
| 2 | wadeland | Arush | 64 | 1387 | 21-1-13 |
| 3 | Real Manhattan | Teddy | 63 | 1515 | 21-0-14 |
| 4 | Leyverpool | Leyland | 61 | 1329 | 20-1-14 |
| 5 | Old Lady | Nic | 56 | 1304 | 18-2-15 |
| 6 | Chunky jeet FC | Ashaank | 54 | 1414 | 18-0-17 |
| 7 | AVERAGE | AVERAGE | 51 | 1317 | 17-0-18 |
| 8 | A | Ahmed | 50 | 1238 | 16-2-17 |
| 9 | Son Doku | Jonathan | 49 | 1412 | 16-1-18 |
| 10 | Big Micha | Hugh | 49 | 1352 | 16-1-18 |
| 11 | MBOOMO | Raed | 48 | 1327 | 16-0-19 |
| 12 | Yanited | Akash | 47 | 1328 | 15-2-18 |
| 13 | Hookah Doncic | Arne | 37 | 1139 | 12-1-22 |
| 14 | Shyam’s Your Daddy | Shyam | 28 | 1090 | 9-1-25 |
Some managers worked the wire. Leyland was on a ski lift.
This is points for against roster chaos. Real Manhattan and fent folders changed constantly and scored. Leyverpool changed nothing and stayed alive. Hookah changed plenty without finding the same payoff, which is the uncomfortable corner of the chart.
More roster chaos ↑
More points →
The draft board did not survive the season.
Draft night versus now
Draft board identity
M
R1
Marmoush
S
R2
Solanke
C
R3
Cherki
G
R4
Gabriel
S
R5
Szoboszlai
Current roster identity
G
Gabriel
C
Casemiro
S
Szoboszlai
P
Pickford
C
Cherki
Persona change
Good roster, cursed calendar, group-chat plaintiff.
Biggest swing
The build became more stable than the table position suggests.
The blockbuster, audited
We graded the only trade in league history. We did not curve.
When Hookah and MBOOMO finally broke the league's trade drought, the framing was philosophical, Mr. Noori was buying floor, Mr. Siddiqui was buying ceiling. Through GW35, the floor has held about as well as Arne's lease. MBOOMO's package leads by 33 rest-of-season points. From the Staff to Mr. Noori: we are very sorry to be the ones telling you. Cherish the memory of Wirtz.
Raed received
MBOOMO
257
ROS package pts
B
Bassey
93
W
Wirtz
123
W
Woltemade
96
Ra’ed took the younger, higher-variance side of the deal. The points since then have given MBOOMO the early receipt.
Rostered238
Arne received
Hookah Doncic
224
ROS package pts
G
Guéhi
162
G
Gakpo
125
M
Muniz
31
Hookah got the safer Premier League names and did become better. The problem is that MBOOMO’s side has still outscored it.
Rostered224
Drop regret files
The waiver wire kept receipts on the way out.
A drop can look reasonable on Tuesday and feel personal by Saturday. This is the file for the players who got cut, signed on with a new manager, and immediately started haunting the one who let them go. Teddy waved goodbye to Gibbs-White. Gibbs-White then scored 152 points. The Staff is still waiting on a public statement.
GW
Dropped by Real Manhattan · GW6
Gibbs-White
158
regret pts
B
Added instead
Bergvall
This is the big one. Teddy dropped Gibbs-White, then watched him become a season-changing player for Chunky jeet FC.
W
Dropped by fent folders · GW4
Wilson
137
regret pts
Y
Added instead
Yeremy
Even the league leader has a file in the cabinet. Wilson kept scoring after Rohit moved on.
G
Dropped by MBOOMO · GW2
Gravenberch
129
regret pts
M
Added instead
McAtee
Early-season tinkering is dangerous because nobody knows which quiet midfielder is about to become annoying.
MN
Dropped by Son Doku · GW4
Matheus N.
116
regret pts
D
Added instead
Diakité
Son Doku already had the schedule working against him. This one did not help.
VH
Dropped by Hookah Doncic · GW5
Van Hecke
107
regret pts
M
Added instead
Mavropanos
The pickup was not even bad. The dropped player simply became the kind of defender Hookah could not afford to lose.
One-player teams
Hero ball or hostage situation.
Team scores hide how lopsided a week actually was. Reece James cooked for 60% of Old Lady's GW8 score, and Nic still lost. Saka outscored most of Shyam's roster combined in GW26, and Shyam, allegedly, did not notice. These are dependency reports, not player highlights. If one name is half the team score, you're leasing the roster.
GW8 · Old Lady
James
J
60%
of team score
18/30
Loss vs A
Reece James scored 18 of Old Lady’s 30. Nic still lost, which is a very efficient way to waste a hero game.
GW26 · Shyam’s Your Daddy
Saka
S
52%
of team score
13/25
Loss vs Yanited
Saka was more than half the team. That is usually a compliment to Saka and a question for everyone else.
GW32 · Leyverpool
Thiago
T
50%
of team score
13/26
Win vs Shyam
Leyverpool got exactly half its points from Igor Thiago and still won. The no-move season continued to make no sense.
GW35 · fent folders
Gyökeres
G
48%
of team score
16/33
Loss vs Old Lady
Even the top side had a week where one forward was doing most of the lifting and the rest of the lineup looked late.
GW17 · MBOOMO
Woltemade
W
48%
of team score
13/27
Loss vs A
Woltemade nearly carried MBOOMO by himself, which fits the whole MBOOMO experience: impressive names, complicated results.
GW29 · wadeland
João Pedro
JP
48%
of team score
19/40
Win vs Big Micha
João Pedro gave Arush almost half the points in a win, the exact kind of clean contribution Wadeland has lived on.
More staff findings
Empty-cal stats. Mickey-Mouse rings. Asterisks attached.
Some findings deserve a full chart. Some only deserve one number and the appropriate amount of staff concern. These are the latter.
0
moves
Leyverpool did not make an accepted move
Leyland has zero accepted transactions, 15 unique rostered players, and fourth place. That is either patience, negligence, or a man who forgot the waiver wire had buttons.
52
players
Real Manhattan changed almost everything
Teddy has 48 accepted transactions, 52 unique rostered players, and the most points in the league. Real Manhattan was less a roster than a document with edit access left on.
120
pts
Old Lady won the Donnarumma traffic jam
Nic beat Real Manhattan, fent folders, and Big Micha to Donnarumma in GW4. Donnarumma then put up 120 points after the claim, because naturally the goalkeeper waiver became an incident.
4
teams
Woltemade became league property
Woltemade has been on Big Micha, Hookah, MBOOMO, and Old Lady. The man has a lease in four boroughs and points in none.
Chart room
The exhibits are now entered.
points versus standings
The Table Lied
Real Manhattan and Son Doku are the exhibit labels for the gap between performance and reward.
The plot has three neighborhoods. Rohit and Teddy are playing a different scoring sport at the top. Most of the league is living in the same crowded apartment in the middle. Hookah and Shyam are down in the basement with separate utility meters.
Full graphics appendix
points versus standings
The Table Lied
Real Manhattan and Son Doku are the exhibit labels for the gap between performance and reward.
The plot has three neighborhoods. Rohit and Teddy are playing a different scoring sport at the top. Most of the league is living in the same crowded apartment in the middle. Hookah and Shyam are down in the basement with separate utility meters.
all-play expected points
Schedule Luck Courtroom
Every matchup is replayed against everyone else. This is where the excuses either die or become evidence.
This is the Son Doku chart. Jonathan is not imagining things: the all-play table likes him much more than the actual table does. Leyverpool is the opposite, which is probably exactly what Leyland would prefer nobody look at for too long.
bad beats
The Wrong Opponent Machine
Weeks where a team did enough to beat nearly everyone and still walked away with nothing.
The brutal version of a loss: you scored enough to beat almost everyone, then drew the one team that scored more. GW31 Son Doku is the exhibit.
player apex
Individual Week Hall of Fame
J.Timber’s 24-point GW2 still sits on the throne, with Van de Ven and Mavropanos filing paperwork below.
The leaderboard is defender-heavy in the funniest way. Timber, Van de Ven, and Mavropanos are not the names people drafted to become weekly nuclear events, which is exactly why they made the list.
hero ball
One-Man Shows
Weeks where one player did so much of the work that the rest of the lineup should have sent a thank-you text.
This chart is less about greatness and more about dependency. If one player is half the team score, the manager should be grateful and also a little worried.
post-pickup production
Waiver Wire Crime Scene
The players who were sitting there, available, before someone changed the tone of the season.
Gibbs-White at 152 post-pickup points stops being a waiver claim and starts being a draft-night brag people will mis-remember as inevitable. Senesi and Truffert make this an uncomfortable chart for anyone who skipped early waivers.
advanced player value
FPL-BPM Star Map
The field is dots. The stars and weirdos get faces. This is our closest thing to VORP until someone gives us tracking data.
The fun of this chart is the separation. The best fantasy players are pulling away from the field in both raw production and our rough value metric. Use it the next time the group chat tries to claim someone got robbed.
movement profile
Roster Chaos Index
Some teams drafted a roster. Others conducted a season-long open casting call.
Real Manhattan and fent folders churned constantly. Leyverpool did not move at all. Both approaches are currently above Hookah, which is inconvenient for anyone trying to make a clean management philosophy argument.
Funniest evidence
The bad beats are where the season gets mean.
GW31
Son Doku
50-52 vs Real Manhattan
would beat 12 of 13
GW5
Leyverpool
47-48 vs A
second-highest lost to first
GW33
Son Doku
61-70 vs Yanited
high-score loss in a carnival week
GW21
Real Manhattan
55-58 vs Leyverpool
third-best score, zero table points
The final stretch
Three gameweeks left. Plenty of time to get cooked.
The 7 Down are still within five points of each other, which means relegation roulette is live. The title race remains Rohit's to fumble. The basement smells like paperwork and an open mic set.
3 GW
The trophy math
Rohit has the table lead and enough scoring underneath it that the staff cannot call the whole thing fake. We can say anything can happen. We can also read a calendar.
#1 PF
The commissioner complaint
Teddy still has the points title case. If Real Manhattan finishes without the trophy, the end-of-year article will arrive with exhibits.
-12.54
The schedule lawsuit
Son Doku is the danger team nobody wants to validate. Jonathan has the bad-beat file, a top-four scoring profile, and just enough season left to make ninth place look like a clerical error.
13/14
The bottom program
Hookah and Shyam have three weeks to turn the last paragraph into something other than sentencing. One has tried too much. One has tried too little. Both have kept the writers busy.
IPL Staff Writers
The staff will be accepting apologies in advance.
Three gameweeks left. Rohit has the lead. Teddy has the points and the grievance. Jonathan has a case for reconsideration that should be heard in chambers. Leyland has accepted no waivers and remains fourth, which the Staff continues to find personally insulting. Hugh's 89-pt Mickey Mouse banner will hang regardless. The 7 Down is still close enough to drag a middle-class team into the relegation conversation. Finish the Rosé. Hit the wire. Pray your opponent has a life.